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Still, My Desired Love
A few years ago, when I was in Australia for
a student exchange program, I experienced something that had always been my
desire. It was like a dream, but it was for real. Well, you know, it might be
called a cliché one, but it was what girls always wanted. Anyway, what I got at
the first time was not that exciting. Not exciting.
I was placed in University of New South
Wales which was so big and awesome. The first time I stepped into it, I truly
stood in awe. Stop right here. Dear audience, notice please, I didn’t drool, I
was conscious enough to be seen by those handsome boys in a good look and not
to be underestimated by the fabulous girls.
I came into the building and I looked for
the class I should attend that day. I didn’t want to be late, for I had sort of
traumatic feeling for being late. As I found the class, I came into it and sat
in an empty seat. There were only five or six students there that morning. I
glanced to my favorite blue wrist watch and realized that it was only six.
“My school habit is still glued inside of
me,” I chuckled.
Being bored for I had nothing to do, I left
my bag on the seat and went away from the class. I took a walk around the
campus. I thought that I’d find something interesting. I met a group of
students having a chit chat in a quite loud voice. It attracted me to approach
them, but I hesitated. However, as I passed them by, one of them called me to
come.
“You don’t belong to this campus, do you?” a
girl talked to me with a wry smile.
I stopped three steps before them. “You know
it,” I said. “It is my very first day.”
I felt something bad. With the wry smile she
gave and the sharp stares from the other students to me, I was convinced to
leave this group as soon as possible. I heard a story of a newbie bullied by a
group of horrible students. I didn’t want to experience that. Ever.
“I’m sorry, I think I should go back to my
class right now. I don’t want to miss it,” I turned back and walked away.
A boy chuckled and stopped me walking. “You
shouldn’t be so diligent here. Let’s have fun!” he said sarcastically. “You’re
like a poor girl wanting to be success.”
I turned back again and smiled at him. “At
least I am not the one who is destroying my future by consuming my parents’
wealth,” I said confidently right in front of his face.
I hated someone who could only boast of the
wealth belonged to their parents and underestimate others. That’s why I told
him so. I wanted to make him shut his mouth. I’m sorry, God for my words, I thought.
“How dare you!” he pulled my shoulder and
was trying to do something bad to me but another boy stopped him.
“She’s just a newbie, Howard!” he told him.
“And a girl!”
The one who was called Howard starred at his
friend. “How could you stand for her? You’re my friend! How dare you!” he
yelled.
I didn’t want to see any fighting. I should
do something. “Hey! You guys are friends. Don’t fight. I’d better leave now,” I
said and walked away.
“Wait! I’ll go with you,”
I didn’t want to care of it since I thought
it could be a trap of which he could take me back to that group and they could
bully me. I didn’t want to know who he was either. I just walked as fast as I
could. However, he ran after me.
“Sorry for that. Actually he’s a nice mate.
He’s just having a problem,”
“And he released his anger to a very new
student – I mean an exchange student like me!” I muttered.
He was smiling. I knew it though I didn’t
see him directly. You know, I have sixth sense, umm kind of. Just name it.
“I’m Liam, anyway,” he told me. “If you
want to know.” He added, as I didn’t introduce myself in return.
I was in front of the class and I came in.
He did as well.
“Stop following me,” I said.
“I didn’t. It’s my class,” he passed me by
and sat in his seat which was placed right behind me.
I didn’t care of him anymore. I just wanted
to stay focus with all the things here because I wanted to bring a good report
in a paper when I went back to my lovely country.
Months went by. I always had the same class
as Liam did. It was so weird, odd, strange, what else could explain this? At
the first, I thought, should I do an investigation for this? Should I? Ah, no,
no. I would waste my precious time being here. I needed to focus. Celine, focus your mind. I kept saying it every time I stood in front of a mirror,
not only at my boarding house but also the campus toilet.
It was the fifth month I lived in Australia.
I enjoyed many things there, including meeting a new group of five girls
consisted of various races, so that I could learn many cultures, many slangs
which made me so confused, and many other things. However, there was a little annoying,
terrible, pathetic rock in my glossy smooth path which was getting bigger each
day.
“Theresa, could you please help me to do a
little research? Since you’re the native one in our group, I need to know the
way how Australian produce words. Please?” I pleaded. I had asked some friends and they
refused by saying that they had no time, now she was my last option. I hoped
she would help me.
She shook her head. “I’m afraid I can’t. I
have an appointment with my boyfriend,” she replied.
What? Boyfriend? Is he so important that you could put aside
your friend who helps you along this time? You even told me that
he’s not a good guy! I
complained inside my heart.
“Please Theresa, you’re my last option and
then no more,” I pleaded again.
“Oh darling, I believe you can do it without
me. Trust me you’ll find the way out soon,” she stroked my head and smiled. “I
need to go now. See you later.” She stood up from the park’s bench and left.
I nodded upon my knees with a thick book as
the prop. If I didn’t have anyone to be the model for my research, I could
never be able to give the right and certain statement in it and finish my
report. God, help me, I cried inside my heart.
“I don’t think she is your last option,”
someone sat beside me.
“Hi, Liam,” I greeted without moving. I kept
being on my position. I knew it was him. His voice, his presence, his perfume
aroma smelled familiar for me each day.
“I heard you need someone to help you for
your research. What can I do for you?” he said.
I caught a word ‘heard’ which made me
realize something. “Wait up. ‘Heard’? What do you mean with ‘heard’? Are you really
following me all this time and listening to what I say and discuss with my
friends?” I accused him without thinking.
He looked shocked and paused. He didn’t say
anything.
“Why didn’t you answer me, Liam?” I raised
my voice’s tone.
He looked down to the grass and then to
somewhere far in front of him.
“Many girls expected being a Cinderella who
could be the one whom a famous, handsome, charming prince fell in love with.
Well, except me. Let me tell you, Liam, it is neither fun nor wonderful for me.
You know, since the first time, it was really annoying that you seemed trying to
know everything about me deeper in many ways. You were even crazier when you finally
knew my complete name. You asked your friends to help you or even the lecturers
to pretend that something happened then drove me to you or the canteen men with
their weird Asian foods to impress me. I don’t know what you are trying to do.
I heard many times about Australian boys chased Asian girls like me because
they only wanted to have fun,” I expressed my complaint in a really long
utterance. “Well, dude, you’re chasing the wrong girl. I’m not that sort of
girls who could be used and thrown afterward. I’m different. I’m special.”
Since that day, I kept avoiding meeting him.
In every turn, byway, aisle, I even tried not to pass him by. Meanwhile, at the
class, I tried not to see him in the eye. He didn’t do any efforts to be closer
to me as well as he used to do. It was great but I also thought that I might have
hurt him. A little guilty feeling occurred in my heart, but I took it for
granted.
It was July and winter. The temperature was
so low. It was only 5˚ C. I did really need to get used to it. Thank God my
campus bought me some thick coats and winter-hat so that I could warm myself
when I was out of the building. I couldn’t imagine how people here could stay
alive with this cold weather.
There was a Winter Feast at the campus. You
know, I already had some friends I was used to hang around together so I planned
to stay with them along this night. We did really many fun things together and
bragged about girls’ stuffs until Liam came standing on the stage in front of a
large number of students and he said that he would sing a song for a girl he
liked. I couldn’t tell you more, ‘cause absolutely it was about me. My friends
made jokes about me too. According to my investigation, Theresa was the one who
told Liam everything to make me closer to him since I knew she was his cousin. I
just gave them wry smile.
At the moment, I still felt guilty actually.
Sarcastically, I made him get rid of me, of my life. How bad I was. Speaking
frankly, being without him for two months – believe it or not – I felt losing
something. I didn’t want to lie, I confessed it to myself. I thought, in front
of him, I would feel ashamed for my deed. I decided to stay outside until he
finished it, or maybe going back to my boarding house was a better option.
I almost went out from the room but then his
wonderful voice stopped my step. I didn’t dare to turn back and look at his
face. You know, I felt I got two different feelings that night. One was feeling
guilty, but one was, umm, unclear. I just stood there listening until it was
finished.
“Celine,” he called out my name through the
microphone when he saw me who was about to go out.
From the stage he ran to approach me. He
apologized for his weird behaviors and other things made me annoyed. It was
true. I was like in the desert having him around me. I was very popular because
of his prince-charming status anyway, but at the same time, students made jokes
about me.
“For the jokes you received, I didn’t do it
all. It was the effect for the things I did along this time to you which – I
confess – were on purpose. Honestly, to harm you is the last thing I would do,
or rather, would never happen. From the very first sight, I only want to care
of you, help you in everything, and see you smile every time,” I’m listening to
his long utterances. “You are special to me.”
I recalled many things happened between me
and him. When I was in trouble finding for the materials I needed in classes I
had, nobody would help me, but him. When I was sad, and I needed my girl
friends only to stay beside me, he was the one who came and encouraged me. He
even could make me laugh instantly – it was still annoying knowing that he
could, though. When the other students made jokes about my Asian race, he was
the one who told everybody that most of the source of natural beauty came from
Asia. He did such wonderful things I had never realized before that it all was
so sweet and precious to me.
“I beg your pardon, Miss Celine Putri,” he
knelt before me and held out a real blue flower. “For the sake of my love, and
all the annoying things I did to you – but all was the expression of my love to
you,” he cleared his throat, “would you be the one who stays beside me for
eternity?”
I chuckled with tears. Then I knew the other
feeling I got was ‘love’. “It’s only three months left I’ll stay
here,” I said.
“Fire purifies gold,” he told me. “If distance is the
fire and the gold is our love, you know what it will be.”
I remained quiet for a while. Smiling from ear to
ear. “Absolutely yes,” I said.
“What, yes?” his eyes rolled showing
confusion. He frowned. “If you accept me, you should take this flower.”
“You didn’t tell me to do that, so I didn’t
do it,” I told him but then I took the flower. “You have to know better what I
like since you are my boyfriend. I prefer doll to flower.”
He stood and embraced me tightly in front of
those students. They shouted and clapped cheerfully for us, including Theresa and
Howard who showed me with a gesture that they were a couple as well.
“You still need a model for your research,
right?” he asked.
I chuckled. “I will keep you for hours,
days, months to work hard until I finish my research,” I replied.
“I’m willing if you ask me to stay for the rest of your time,”
Since that day, I became his girlfriend,
even when I was in my own country. We met every time we got holiday. I came to
Australia or vice versa, he came to my country. We spent five years in our
relationship until we got married. Yesterday.
I ended my testimony in a TV program “Still,
My Desired Love”. Claps and loud cheering surrounded the atmosphere at the
studio. I burst out with tears while my husband who is sitting among the
audience, is smiling at me. Thank you God for giving me a wonderful husband.
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